I’ve been having a lot of conversations around boundaries and using your voice lately which tells me it’s something I need to pay attention to in my own life. Ever notice that? When something appears in multiple other places or with multiple other people in your realm, there’s usually something there for you, too. That’s definitely the case for me. So, I started paying attention…and I learned (re-learned?) some important lessons.
It’s hard to ask for what you need. There are about a gazillion reasons why asking for what you need is a challenge. From girls being socialized to be sweet, quiet and agreeable to wanting to appear like you have it all together and don’t ever need to ask for help from anyone.
Boundaries are the short-term discomfort that prevent long-term tension. Boundaries are a big part of self-kindness in my world, and this is why. When we don’t set them, or we don’t enforce them, we’re avoiding some short-term discomfort and creating long-term tension.
The story about what might happen if you ask for what you need or set a boundary is ALWAYS worse than what happens when you do either of those things. Truth. That screaming match or door slamming you imagined or feared is pretty unlikely to actually happen. Yes, these can be uncomfortable conversations, but I’ve yet to have one (or hear of anyone having one) that’s nearly as bad as what they feared.
We all need some help with this stuff. Everyone needs a reminder sometimes, and everyone needs support when they’re trying to change old habits. After all, there can be discomfort with change. Engage your support system. Whether it’s one of your best friends, a coach or therapist or all of the above, getting support helps you do the hard stuff and keeps you on track.
I noticed all of these things when I tuned in to my own life and I’m so glad I did. Walking my talk is how I practice integrity, and right now that looks like doing my own next level work.