Have you ever sat back and hated yourself? I mean really, really hated yourself???
I saw a Meme thing (Yeah, I never know how to pronounce that word) that once said “Learn to love yourself before anyone or anything else.”
Sometimes it’s bloody hard to do.
Recently I was challenged in a really significant way. I knew what I had to do, but I also knew that this action would cause a huge amount of hurt and “upsetness” (a seriously good word to have in your bank of awesome words) to people in my life.
But I was going under. I was emotionally eating, I hated something I loved doing and the impact was really significant on my family. The impact on me was even more. I was in tears…a lot.
So, I embarked on trying to fix things. I tried to put some significant boundaries (yeah, another word I am not good at) around myself. I did this while hating myself to the max. But I knew I was going under baby. I was about to crack.
Now don’t get me wrong. You know that I can roar, in fact I can be brutal sometimes. But mostly I have a pretty big heart.
Anyway, suffice to say, it blew up. Although my intentions were pure, they were not seen as that.
So, my question is again: Have you ever hated yourself??? I bet if you answered yes it was because you actually tried to put boundaries around yourself; and in doing so, you hated yourself because you caused someone hurt.
I am no psychologist but I have lived life. I know that in the end these boundaries are good things. I also know that it is not easy to do.
In order to stop hating myself, I was urged by a beautiful Soul Sista in my life to embark on a gratitude journal. I am writing down what I am blessed with every day. More than that she urged me to understand that I was actually, in essence, a good person.
When I look around at all the people I have helped, at all the people who really do think of me as someone kind, I realize…I shouldn’t hate myself. At the end of the day I am really sorry that I caused people hurt. But I needed to do it to survive.
I hope you all start to place boundaries around yourselves, but mostly I hope you never feel that self-hate the way I felt it. It was very uncool and caused me much “upsetness.”
Namaste til next time