Dear warm weather,

Post by Shannon DeVido for the Laughter Lover series.


image courtesy of Curiouser & Curiouser

Dear warm weather,Hi! It’s been too long since we’ve spoken. How are you? I’m doing okay. How’s Florida? I’m sorry I haven’t been down to visit. I definitely miss you around here. Cold weather came to stay with us after you left, and I have to tell you, he’s kind of an asshole.

A lot has happened since you’ve been away. I have spent most of my days exploring every tiny crevice of my house, because finding that weird corner in the back of my closet is much more rewarding then spending time outside in 8º. Sometimes there’s sun shining through the window. I curl up with my iPod and sleep in the middle of the floor like a cat… and you know how I feel about cats. However, lying in that sunspot is like a little piece of you is hugging my cold body.

Have you ever eaten all of the food in your house? This past week there was a snow storm and I decided eating everything in sight was a solid plan. You’ll be happy to hear our fear that eating pickles and pancakes at the same time would be gross, actually turned out to be only mildly true. Look, I’m not saying I condone doing it every day, but when you’re trying to get your body temperature up, anything you consume is a logical choice. The problem is when you run out of all food and try to eat brown sugar. Yeah…It was a low point.

Oh! You’ll never believe this, though. The other day, James Inhofe brought a snowball into Congress to prove that Global Warming doesn’t exist. I know. I thought you’d think that was funny, seeing as you’ve worked so diligently to raise the entire earth’s temperature. Seriously, I love you, but I kind of like having glaciers. If you could just chill out a little with destroying parts of the earth, I’d really appreciate it. Do it for me, okay?

I can’t wait to see you in a few weeks. I’m going to take off all these freaking clothes and spend all my time with you. I’m sorry, I know that sounds kind of clingy, but remember, you love me for my quirks. I drew a sun and “78º” on my heating pad, but sleeping with it just isn’t the same as having you in my room. When I see you I’m going to do some “50 Shades of Grey” stuff to you. Before you judge me, I haven’t seen the movie, but due to trying to avoid cold weather, I think I’ve read the whole internet.

Well, I’m going to take a warm shower now, because I just went outside. Now, I can’t feel my feet. WebMD said I may have frostbite. We’ll see.

Come home soon. I love you.
Hugs and Poodles,
Shannon

 

Shannon DeVido is an actress, comedian, singer, and writer. She has performed comedy around the country as a stand up comedian and improv with her longform teams, Hell on Wheels and Axis of Evil, on television (Law and Order: SVU), and Off-Broadway. 


An accomplished singer, she currently performs with her quirky, singer-songwriting duo, Useful Rooster. 


Finally, her popular YouTube channel, Stare at Shannon, breaks the conventional image of disability through comedy. 

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