Post by Jo Anna Rothman.
print by Dan-ah Kim on Etsy
I don’t know. Truly. I have no freaking idea. The future is coming along as always and I don’t know what’s next. And it’s truly the most liberating thing ever.
I plan. I used to. Think my thoughts before they happen. Practice my words. Quickly. Quietly. In my head. I think. Lots. Or I did. Lots. I would research. Look for answers. Pray for them. Beg sometimes. The wide open future was a magical place. But scary too. No answers. No guarantees. I wanted them. I wanted something. Something to let me know that all I wanted in my heart of hearts would come. That I was working in the “right” direction. That the Universe was listening and I would receive my just desserts.
It’s exhausting. The planning. The designing. Hoping. Wishing. Wanting it all to turn out. Ultimately, it’s control. Wanting to control the outcome of the greatest, grandest unknown of them all…the future. For all of my trying, I was never able to.
I had a moment recently, of surrender. Where I took all the angst I felt inside to fix and figure big life things out and said, “I don’t know.” I don’t know how to do it. I don’t know what is next. I don’t know what the future holds. I know that I don’t know…and that has to be enough. In fact, it has to be fabulous!
The notion stopped me. Shocked me. There was such freedom in the truth. Freedom in dropping the pretensions that I had I had freaking clue and with that clue I could control much of anything, anyway. It’s not that I know nothing. I know lots. I know how I feel. I know some of what I want. I know my past experiences and my awarenesses of the present. But I do not know what the future holds. I do not know the answers to every question I have. And I certainly don’t know how to make it all so that everything turned out how I thought I wanted it. It’s the most deliciously open experience.
This letting go of the need to know, comes with it’s own set of answers…ones that are both and mysterious. For me, it brought the light. The levity. And most of all the sense of freedom to truly create. To step into the mystery, I must trust. Trust the Universe to guide me. Trust myself to know when the knowing did come forth…and trust myself to act inservice to my deepest intentions.
The mystery also brought questions. What if I didn’t know? Couldn’t know? Not really. What if I didn’t know what was a round the bend? Coming up to meet me? What if I didn’t plan? Didn’t figure? What if I simply trusted? Trusted that I had all that I needed in that magical treasure chest that is my Self. I could use all the amazing skills and tools that I have discovered in my life…I just would no longer need to carry them around armed to the tooth incase something happened. I could trust that they could be available to me at a moments notice. I could walk around with an open heart…with an open mind. Knowing that I, as a marvelous creative being, could respond magnificently no matter what adventure crossed your path. I could not know and it could all be ok.
|Jo Anna Rothman, MA is an intuitive coach and facilitator of The Receiving Project. She revels in assisting people in falling in love with their lives. She is committed to living a life full of pleasure, purpose and enthusiasm. And perhaps most important, she knows the secret to the perfect s’more.|
To read more of Jo Anna’s guest posts on Kind Over Matter click here!