Loving The Inner Critic

Post by Jo Anna Rothman.


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Loving The Inner Critic

The Inner Critic can be loud. Powerful. In your face with it’s demands and constraints. It can whisper in your ear with a low purr. Telling you to stop and slow when every other pore of your being is urging you on. It can be mean. Nasty. And sometimes downright cruel in it’s relentless quest to get you to listen.

I used to think that my job was to fight it. Argue back and win. Dominate with love and kindness...with perseverance. But then something, some part of me, had to lose and I didn’t like that either. It didn’t really feel good when I could finally beat the Inner Critic back into her cave for a minute or two. I was aware of a sadness and fear that would emanate from that part of my being. Just because she was kind of a bitch, didn’t mean that I wanted to be one too.

Not to mention, the fighting did not work. With every tug of war that went on inside of me, my Inner Critic got stronger. The war provided the perfect place for her to sharpen her claws. My determination to move forward in spite of her only made her that much more determined. Stuckness would show up again and again. I would get so far and then she would get the better of me. I would stop. The Inner Critic’s mission would be accomplished and I would head back to square one.

Our Inner Critics do not criticize for the fun of it. They have a purpose. And one that is sacred and dear...one that was so needed at a point in our lives. One that doesn’t need to be carried out in the same way any longer. The Inner Critic is a fearless and fierce protector. It will go to the ends of the earth to keep us safe...safe from change, from disappointment, from our world spinning out of control as we grow into the essence of our being. This part of ourselves desperately does not want us to get hurt as we move forward in whatever adventure we are embarking on. It will pull out every dirty trick it knows if it thinks that it will stop us from greater pain. Does it realize how much they hurt us as they try to tighten the reigns? I don’t know. But I do know that the need to keep us all safe and sound trumps rational thought.

The antidote to the internal war is love. Love your Inner Critic. Just as it is. Just as it fights. See it as the little, scared child it truly is. And love it. Just as you might a tantruming toddler. Appreciate it’s position but don’t give into it. Whisper back that you are grateful for its years of service. That you have no demands on it. No need for it to do anything. That you are simply loving this part of you that is in pain. That is in pain. That is feeling disconnected from the great wonderful whole.

It may be hard to love that prickly part of you at first. But remember, it is a part of you. And all of you deserves to know that they are worthy of love exactly as they are. By fighting our Inner Critic, we only manage to reinforce that it is separate from the wellspring of love inside of use. When we love that aspect of ourselves, we bring it closer to the fold. Closer to the love. And close to the truth that we are wonderful just as we are.

Do I still have an Inner Critic? Yes. She rears up in different areas of my life. She tries to control and keep me still. But since I committed to loving her, she is so much more malleable. So much more willing to be loved. She is able to be swayed. To understand. And to let me go about my work without having to cut through a tangle of anger and fear. My Inner Critic has no interest in destroying me. She lets her fear be known and allows me to love her just as she is. Then I get to love myself just as I am.

Jo Anna Rothman, MA is an intuitive coach and facilitator of The Receiving Project. She revels in assisting people in falling in love with their lives. She is committed to living a life full of pleasure, purpose and enthusiasm. And perhaps most important, she knows the secret to the perfect s’more.

To read more of Jo Anna's guest posts on Kind Over Matter click here!