Friday, April 18, 2014

Detox your self-talk, part 3

Post by Heather Shafer for the Kind Kindred series.

Hello Lovely Souls!

This week in the “Detox your self-talk” series we are looking at starting the process of switching up and healing our negative self-talk. Last week we started the process of noticing our self-talk. What things came up for you? Take that list and see how you can turn those statements around into more empowered self-talk! See my examples below!

Let’s take a few negative common words and phrases and look at how we can swap them into something on the more empowering and even positive side. Now the “Empowered Responses” could be more positive in some instances however I get how it can seem like too much of a jump to go from what we say now to the affirmations. However I am also giving some ideas for Affirmations if you want to take this process a little further.

Here are some common phrases and words I hear or have even said to and about myself!

There is the “Powerless response” (what many of us are probably saying now), the Empowered response (what we are replacing the powerless response with) and there are affirmations (plus a few tips at the end of this post).

Any of these sound or feel familiar?

Powerless response: I can’t afford it.
Empowered response: I choose not to spend my money that way. (I know this one can be sticky, but think about it. Some of the things we wish we could afford we could get if we didn’t do things like pay rent and bills!) It’s still a choice though right?
Affirmation: All my needs are currently met (with ease).


Powerless Response: “I am so stupid I can’t believe I did that.”
Empowered Response: I did not make a mindful choice or that was not the best way to do/handle that but I can learn from it.
Affirmation: I do my best at the time for every situation I am part of. I make choices that support the life I am creating. (The life I want to create.)

Powerless response: I am (too/so) fat
Empowered response: At this moment I am not comfortable in my own skin, my body feels out of alignment right now or at this weight.
Affirmation: My body is a miracle, Thank You body for all you do that I don’t even realize.

Powerless words (when used in some instances): I can’t, I never, (These are often used to declare defeat before we even start!)
Empowered Response: I will, I am, I do not yet know how, one day
Affirmation: I have what I need right now, I am enough. I am open to learning.

I know there are many more examples, and if I have not given one that resonates with you and you would like some support or ideas on switching it around please contact me, via comments here or my site.

Overall what I want to encourage us all to do is to just bring some awareness to our self-talk. Where are you putting yourself down? Future tripping? Flat out insulting yourself?

If at this point the affirmations don't feel right, then start with tweaking what you can into more empowered statements.

And if starting to do that doesn’t feel right, then simply start with noticing and when you do: Say Delete or Cancel when you catch yourself saying something negative or unkind about yourself. You might even ask a friend or family member to say the same thing when they hear you talking negative about yourself! In fact I suggest this last step at each stage of this process!

I hope this minute, this hour, this day, this week you will start to be a little kinder to your beautiful self.

Here is to living Inspired, Creative and Empowered


Hi I am Heather Shafer and I am a certified Dream Coach, and Holistic Life Coach, and Inspirationalist! I believe that connecting to our deepest and most creative Selves is critical to living our best, most powerful, lives. My purpose in life is to learn to express myself fully and authentically, and to teach and inspire others to do the same. My website features inspiring stories, tips and ideas to help you live an Inspired, Creative and Empowered life.
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Thursday, April 17, 2014

Convenience Store Words and Wisdom

Post by Charissa Struble for the Kind Kindred series.

I’m standing in line at the convenience store, listening to a twenty-something talk loudly on a Bluetooth. She’s telling the person on the other end of the phone line that she’s in “survival mode” and been that way since college. I wonder what motivates her to share her story, in this setting, with a room full of strangers. Maybe that’s what makes her comfortable - the knowledge that no one knows her personally.

She’s taking her time at the counter, oblivious to the line forming behind her and the storm brewing outdoors. I shiver. My short sleeve sweater isn’t keeping me warm in this air conditioning. It’s just damp enough outside to be irritating. I feel my patience dwindling. I’m embarking on the first leg of a forty day road trip and I don’t like driving when it’s dark.

The girl goes on and on about her life. She spares no detail. I want to tell her that she’s not the only one in survival mode. We all are. Our existence alone makes us survivors. We’re all just trying to make it to old age. I want her to understand that in five years it won’t matter and that in ten years, she’ll have a hard time remembering that pain, the one she spent precious minutes of her life expressing to others. The cashier completes the transaction and much to my relief, Miss Oversharer leaves through the same door she entered. In her newly found haste, she’s forgotten something. It’s not the receipt that she’s missing. It’s her heart she’s left it behind on the floor of the convenience store for everyone to step around.

It’s moments like these that I remember the saying that everyone you meet is a teacher and today’s lesson involves embracing the unknown. As a regular goal setter and self-proclaimed self-starter, I know what it takes to make my dreams come true. I also know about processes and how longing alone will not make things materialize. If that was the case, I would have won the lottery long ago.

After years of go-getting, however, I realize just how sweet the journey is. Sometimes, the greatest rewards aren’t found at the finish line. They’re subtly placed in front of us in the people that we meet and the things that we do along the way. The true prize is the one that we receive as we test the waters, go for the gold and spring into action. It isn’t necessarily the one we hoped for at the start of the journey.

Author Danielle Laporte’s new book, The Desire Map, confirms the necessity of feelings in the goal setting process. After all, it’s not the desired outcome that we seek in most cases. It’s the way that the achievement makes us feel. We’re highly emotional beings. We want to live the good life but we need to be straight about why that’s important to us. What do we hope to gain from losing weight, building successful businesses, traveling the globe and meeting “the one”? What parts of ourselves do we lose by not going after the things we wish for?

Although our time together was brief and she wouldn’t recognize me in a crowd of people if she tried, that girl in the convenience store taught me something new about myself. She taught me that if you stop what you’re doing and really listen, you’ll hear the sound of the heart of the person standing next to you. You’ll feel their desire and know their intention.

Now, I hope you’ll excuse me. I’ve got a heart to pick up, brush off, and return to someone. I better be quick about it, too, because she doesn’t realize it just yet, but she has a big, beautiful life waiting for her.

Charissa Struble is a freelance writer, social media manager, and internet marketer. Her hobbies involve traveling, photography, volunteering, journaling, and creating art. Some of the other publications she’s been involved with include: Intuit, Generation X Finance, WiseBread, and Easy Journaling. You can learn more about her and her travels by visiting
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Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Not So Shabby Chic

Post by Amanda Walters for the Kind Kindred series.

photo courtesy of Steve Snodgrass on Flickr

Shop for Second-hand Dresses and Wow in Vintage

Vintage is big business in the UK, and fans of this style are well catered for with thousands of dedicated vintage retail shops online and on the high street. When it comes to a special occasion, such as a wedding or a prom, wearing a vintage dress offers the opportunity to stand out from the crowd, and convey a unique personality and sense of style.

The internet is full of vintage retailers, from independent outlets to old favourites such as eBay. Popular vintage styles include those from the 1940s right up to the 1980s.

The great thing about buying vintage is the seemingly endless supply of stylish one-off pieces. Searching for something extra special is part of the fun of following vintage fashion, and many a happy hour can be spent trawling second-hand sales and specialist markets. Charity shops may be a source of good quality pieces at affordable prices.

Tips for buying second-hand and vintage clothing:

  • Decide on the era: people are generally attracted to a particular decade and focus on this to narrow down their search for the perfect second-hand or vintage dress.
  • Hold clothes up to the light: this reveals any holes or badly worn areas that are likely to need repairing in the future.
  • Check the buttons and zips: vintage fastenings are part of an outfit’s charm, and if a vintage button is missing it may not be possible to source an identical replacement. Also, zips may have suffered damage over time.
  • Buy the best affordable dress: now is not the time to buy cheap quality – a special occasion demands a very special dress, so save up and buy the best one possible.
  • Don’t worry if the size appears too big: clothing sizes have changed over the decades, and cannot be relied on to be the same today as they were in the 1940s. 
  • Carefully check the measurements provided if buying online: although most online retailers offer a reliable returns service, it is worth double-checking the sizes given. 
The Telegraph offers more tips for buying vintage, with some smart advice for both new and established fans of this style.

What about charity shops?
Charity shopping has experienced something of a renaissance in recent years. Gone are the dark and dingy shops with the distinctive aroma of unwashed second-hand clothing. Charity shops these days are bright, well laid out and welcoming, and vintage clothes mingle easily with high street items.

UK urban newspaper, Metro, offers advice on how to find great second-hand and vintage clothes within charity shops. Scouring these shops in search of a little gem has become more than just a hobby for some people, who apart from enjoying the challenge, are saving money and buying something unique for their wardrobe.

Shopping around is key and researching the different styles associated with the various decades can be done easily online, allowing you to plump for the era that appeals most to you.

Amanda Walters is an experienced freelance writer. Graduating with a 2:1 in Journalism and creative writing in 2009, she has since enjoyed five years of creating strong relationships with a range of site owners and is now a regular contributor to Huffington Post. She loves to read, and has a passion for all things weird an wonderful. She strives to reach others through her writing. Follow her on Twitter
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Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Pushing the limits

Post by Lynn DeVasto for the Kind Kindred series.

image courtesy of

Each and every day, I watch somebody do something they couldn't do before. Maybe it's 12 reps from 10, maybe it's 15 pounds from 12, maybe it's a 2 minute plank (woohoo)! For some of my clients it's being able to walk up the steps in the usual way, as opposed to having to step on each step, slowly, with both feet resting on each step before moving to the next one.

It is beautiful, and almost magical, to bear witness to people when they are able to push past what they previously thought they could do. As much as I like seeing that, what I find truly wondrous is what happens when they push them past their emotional limits. Like working out and weight loss, everybody's personal push is different. For some, it may be saying no to their grown children. For others, it may be saying no to alcohol,or shopping. Perhaps it's a new career choice, or furthering themselves in the career they have chosen. Maybe it's the decision to have a child, or not.

Whatever pushes your limits, know that it is incredibly worth it all when you push back and through them. Know that you have the ability to do it. Know that it is all worth it. What have you pushed through that you didn't think you could? I would love to be your cheerleader!

Lynn DeVasto is the owner of SuperGirl Workout. After losing 90 pounds, she made the decision to help woman be their own super-hero and find their own version of "fit and fearless", while being true and kind to themselves in the process.
~ Important but boring stuff: She holds certifications in personal training, holistic wellness coaching, sports nutrition and barre.
~ Perhaps unimportant, but fun stuff: Wakes up every morning at 4:30 (ugh), lives with her kitty love (Brady), has yet to meet a potato she doesn't like (especially if mashed).
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Monday, April 14, 2014

Today you will shine

photo by Jenny Ingalls Nelson

Happy Monday! I know, Monday and happy can sometimes be an oxymoron, but today I'd like to shine! Jenny chose a sweet quote to accompany her beautiful photo today, and I'd like to really speak into it.

Today I WILL shine. I will set that as my intention for this day and I will keep it with me. Shining doesn't have to mean that I will pretend or be fake or wear a mask. Shine can just mean that I will approach things with new eyes, instead of old habits. Maybe I can shine by doing a special act of kindness for today's #365daysofkind. Maybe I'll shine by giving everything I do today my all. Maybe I'll shine by recognizing the ways I already shine, and giving myself credit for them.

However today ends up, I will know that I set a beautiful intention for myself, and that's one way I shine.

Thanks for being on the journey with me. I think we all shine.

❤, Lara

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Sunday, April 13, 2014

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